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    USP’s For Those Who Seek Bacon

    Just got a Vita-Mix Super 5000 and “I’m on a mission from God” (he says in his best Ackroyd Blues Brother voice).

    So I’m in my local food coop because apparently, regular grocery stores don’t stock the wheat berries needed to make true whole grain bread. And trust me folks, once you’ve effortlessly made your own bread, tasted it and realized how tasteless the store version is — you’ll never buy another loaf there again.

    But that’s not why I’m writing this today. Frankly, the bacon made me do it.

    Now over the years, health food stores have frequently been a target of my derision simply because the workers and customers seem to take themselves and this whole organic food biz just a little too self-importantly adn self-righteously for my tastes.

    I mean you just walk in the doors and it’s all there in front of you — that guy with the latest hippy hangover, the Birkenstocks (with socks and without), the Tye-Dye, the scraggy beatnik facial hair on the men, the armpit hair on the women, and let’s not forget the half-lidded gaze of the perpetually-stoned . . . you get the picture, right?

    But the bacon was responsible. No really, it was.

    So I got the wheat berries but I thought I was going to have to stop at a regular store just to get meat. You know, red meat. Not tofu burgers, not tofurkey (?!), but real meat that real men eat. But I round the corner and it was suddenly like finding a church revival in the middle of a brothel . . .

    Stranger In A Strange Land

    There was a whole meat section! Butchers and red meat everywhere! Hamburger, steak and bacon, oh my!

    Since when did the last conclave of anemic vegans have a butcher shop, let alone bacon and sausage?!

    But it was the bacon that brought me up short. More particularly, it was the way the company advertised the bacon’s USP (Unique Selling Proposition).

    It was called “Sunday Bacon” and the subheadline, I kid you not, said “The Bacon For Those Who Seek.”

    Of course I had to get that one. By the time I’d handled it, scoured its front and back labels for some clue as to why this was the bacon for seekers — I thought we were on intimate terms with one another and it felt a bit wrong putting in back with the others.

    A bit like noshing on a yogurt-covered pretzel, not liking the taste and putting back in the bulk bin.

    So, for all the wrong reasons Applegate Farms made the sale not because they were the main attraction of the circus, but because of their freaky sideshow component - you don’t want to stare, but strangely can’t help yourself. And then you can’t wait to tell your friends about the sheer freakishness of it.

    Sort of like what I’m doing now.

    I mean, it’s bacon for god’s sakes, not an aid to spiritual quest. But see that? Their product USP is so ill-written, so general it can mean anything. It simply says “ For those who seek.” Nothing about what they are seeking. I assumed something spiritual, but it could just as easily be anything from a quest for a good time to a quest for the next nitrate fix.

    I say this to Applegate Farms: less nattering on about “environmental stewardship” and pay more attention to your marketing.

    Lol . . . you just can’t make this stuff up, folks.

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    By Walter |

    Topics: Client Top Secret, From The Trenches, Here's Your Sign, Marketing Mishaps |


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