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Does your company have a Customer Failure Department? What? You don’t know what that is? 
Well, the larger the company, the more likely the Customer Service Department has morphed into the Customer Failure Department — just like it has with HP in the tragic tale below.
If you’re the head of your company . . . when was the last time you checked, hmmm?
Maybe the time to check is now . . . well, finish reading here, so you grok the full impact on your company and what you may be doing to loyal customers who trusted you with their livelihood.
HP’s Customer Failure Department
I’m pretty sure most would say “customer service” but Kyle McFarlin’s experience with HP’s bungling of his HP DV 9000 notebook tells us everything we need to know about what kind of service they have.
He also chronicled this travesty here . . . HP DV 9000 Notebook STILL the Worst Customer Experience I’ve Ever Had . . .
here . . . Post #1: HP - Rome Is Burning
and here . . . Post #2: Laptop Woes, Sick as a Dog
and here . . . Post #3: More from the Twilight Zone
Just look at the dates. This is customer service so egregiously bad, you have to invent a new term for it – hence “customer failure” as in their “Customer Failure Department.”
And it looks like HP has a doozey of one. Unfortunately, Engelina Jaspers, HP’s VP for Corporate Marketing just gave Kyle a pat on the head, then patted his rump to send him on his way.
Hopefully he won’t let her get by with the condescension.
So I left the comment below on his blog post (parts of it got reworked in subsequent editing).
I’m including it here so that if you’re not a reader of his blog, you can still learn the vital lesson.
====================================================
[My comment to Kyle]:
“No. No. No and . . . Double No!
With all due respect, Kyle you’re letting them off the hook if you stop here. I promise you, this is the corporate equivalent of the brush-off.
It cost them nothing to throw happy, shiny words in your direction with empty promises of taking your experience “seriously” by showing it around internally.
Make that allegedly showing it around.
In reality they’re hoping that the shiny words will distract you and you’ll go away so they can get back to real business.
More than likely they’ll be laughing about it over the next break. Sorry . . . but I’ve been on the inside (and on the receiving end) of too many companies and I know how this process works.
Where’s the financial restitution for what you went through?! I hate the way that sounds, but it is one of the primary ways they keep score.
I can tell you from experience that this is the biggest sign they’re not taking you as a loyal customer seriously.
Because of their Customer Service That Couldn’t Shoot Straight antics — how long were you unable to conduct business in the way you were prior to their fumbling of the matter?
How much did it COST **YOU** for THEIR errors?
Btw, if you took them to court, these are the first 2 questions you would be asked by the judge. That should tell you what’s important about the incident is how their actions/inactions impacted your ability to professionally conduct your business.
I’m pretty sure I urged you to get the attention of the head of CS (Customer Service) and the CEO.
And I want to be very clear about what I’m gonna say next: Marketing has NO business dealing with this issue and it is another sign they are not taking your problem seriously.
Grrrr . . .
Keep at ‘em. If the CEO and the head of CS don’t take you seriously and make you a decent offer, then keep writing about them and SEO your posts to the max and take your case public to inflict maximum PR damage.
THAT will bring HP back to the table and ready to deal. I’ll volunteer my services. That’s how serious I take this. That’s how angry I am that they may walk away from this unscathed.
You see, if it costs them nothing then they learn nothing and they continue to perpetuate the Cascading Series of Worst Practices that comprise a typical Customer Failure Department.
But I’m not entirely being altruistic, there’s a method to my madness . . .
“To The Cliffs!”
Corporations need to be taught this lesson: they cannot treat customers who’ve made a significant investment in their products this way . . . and get by with it. 
And the only thing that makes the bad ones pay attention is when it impacts their bottom-line. I.e., when it costs them something.
P.S. - As King Leonidas said in 300: “To The Cliffs!” and this exactly where you need to drive the marauding hordes of Customer Failure devotees.
Remember the epic Battle of Thermopylae of 480 BC (which is the factual basis for the film 300), when 300 Spartans held off over 100,000 invading Persians?
1,527 years later, it still holds an honored place in our collective consciousness. There’s a reason for that.
It’s a historical precedent and reminder that the little guy can always win against a larger opponent. Yes, all 300 Spartan warriors died, yet the toll was disproportionately HUGE on the Persian side.
A lesson the invading Persians* never forgot.
Subsequent to the brave soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice, Persian morale dropped to zero and the Greeks lost their fear of the Persian marauders and shored up their defenses. After several successful battles the Greeks ultimately defeated the Persian army and repelled their invasion at the Battle of Plataea one year later.
And the Persian Empire left them alone after that. The pivotal battle led Greece to band together against the Persians and helped usher in the world’s first democracy.
Lesson? There are some who only respect a show of force. And for those . . . well you know the rest.
I should also add that I have a template for this process and the complaint letters and run it much like I’d run any marketing campaign. Kyle’s horrendous experience is putting a spotlight on the fact that my “Wrath Of God Complaint Letters” project needs to see the light of day.
Customer Failure Departments . . . you got served.
* = Interesting historical note. Did you know that “Persia/Persian” is the ancient name for Iran and it’s people? Curious. Know who the biggest protesters of the 300 film were?
Anyone? . . . anyone?
Curiouser and curiouser.
Know why Iran in 480 BC felt bold enough to invade Greece? Because, it was the opinion of King Xerxes of Persia (depicted in the film) that ” . . . neither the Greeks nor even all peoples of Europe together would be able to stop him because they were disunited.”
Interesting how little “European Union” has changed in 1,527 years.
That doesn’t sound that current Middle Eastern events, does it? Naw . . . didn’t think so.
Like what you read? Then click here to buy me a coffee.
By Walter |
Topics: Marketing Mishaps, Pet Peeves |
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Comments
Well, the larger the company, the more likely the Customer Service Department has morphed into the Customer Failure Department — just like it has with HP in the tragic tale below.
September 15th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Came across this post by googling HP Complaints,
glad Kyle had some success, I on the otherhand am
struggling with the equivalent of the HP Twilight Zone,
I managed to breeze right through the HP Customer Failure
Department and into the HP Abandoned Customer Department.